A Pitch for Play
A dear friend and colleague (and awesome Mom and Grandmom), Deb McCollister, recently sent me this link about the importance of letting kids play freely. The tension about over-scheduled family life is well known, well documented, and certainly recognizable to many of us. But it was gratifying to read about the satisfaction that these children found in the most natural kind of play: a not so fancy playground in which the single slide offered an afternoon of action and imagination.
It struck me that we often neglect this in-born ability that children have to create their own play from their environment and imaginations. As parents and grandparents, we take our role as providers very seriously, and often to extremes. To ward off any potential “boredom” we stimulate: classes, performances, outings, sports, play dates, tutoring, and on and on. (Please understand, I’m all for showing kids the world.) While we may pay lip service to the “break” that downtime allows, few of us incorporate a period of free play in our kids’ schedules. If we allow these breaks at all, they are seen as quiet fillers between activities; we don’t value free play for its own benefit, and rarely do we protect it with its own time in the schedule.
Last week, I had the chance to hear a terrific presentation by Dr. Dan Kindlon, child psychologist and author (Raising Cain and Too Much of a Good Thing.) He has spent over 30 years researching child behavior and treating kids with emotional and behavioral difficulties. One major “take-away” for me was his advice to avoid shielding your kids from experiences in which they might feel disappointment or a sense of “failure.” Don’t always stack the deck in their favor; the growth that comes from working through difficult situations on their own strengthens children far more than never encountering them.
Free play allows kids to succeed on their own and feel the pride they deserve, and it can expose them to unexpected and maybe frustrating moments, which require sharing, negotiating, and even losing. Dealing with all of these emotions is what builds resilience.
Left to their own devices, kids can be amazingly resourceful and creative players. You don’t need to provide anything except the opportunity.
Sally Lesser, Owner